This is an interesting article by Russell Scott of Awaken The Guru In You. I have known Russell for a few years having met him in a workshop that we both attended. His workshops are worth taking a look at.
He offers some simple advice to women about men. The advice seems easy enough to understand…at least for this man. Russell writes:
Women want a new man one who is sensitive and caring yet resilient and strong when she feels weak. Yet this demand is where men have the greatest difficulty with women.
To be sensitive means to really see a person the way they are but it also means to be vulnerable.
So when a man is vulnerable and gets hurt by a woman the woman expects the man to be sensitive and understand that all this came out of her dysfunctional childhood with an abusive father, a critical mother, a narcissistic sister, bullying in school, i.e. her own victim hood. The list can go on and on.
She needs sympathy from a man and she needs the man then to be a “strong man” to push his hurt aside and then be there for her. If a woman always requires this of a man and offers a continual explanation of her own victim hood when she has hurt a man, it will drive him crazy.
This is very confusing for a man: “Strong or sensitive, what does she need from me…I am the one that is bloody well hurting?” This will eventually drive a man nuts, into addictive behaviour, being a passive “yes” man with suppressed rage, someone who leaves the relationship or worse, the frustrated angry man that he and his woman does not want him to be.
He is developing his feeling capacity and does not know how to navigate all of this.
What men really need from a woman at this time when he is hurt, is for the woman to see him in his all pain. She needs to avoid the justification. He needs his pain to be validated rather than expect him to suck it up and “be a man” which is the worst way of shaming a man and making him your enemy.
A man does not need much more than a simple apology and an understanding of how he has been hurt.
If a woman can do this simple thing for a man and avoid the long complicated explanation, she will cultivate a loyal partner for the rest of her life.
Awaken The Guru In You
Over the years I have worked with many men, especially men that want to grow out of the old paradigm of the macho patriarchal male. This is one big thing that I see these kind of post-modern men are challenged with.
Hey men (and women) let me know if this is a struggle for you …or maybe I’m the only one.